Here was a satiric story of the 2014 season I posted for the benefit of our mutual friend right after the SGBs when he (G61, cachisking, Patsyfactquick, etc) tried to spin the scenario that Folsom was the de facto 2014 state champ. I’m reposting it here for your humous enjoyment.
December 21, 2014
I'm enjoying all this G-crap. But we all know what really happened... Well, if you didn't, here is the real story.
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SJS commissioner Garrison and SJS former commissioner Saco were together celebrating the running clock victory of Folsom over Oceanside. They are sitting together in Garrison's den drinking the last of their beers.
Garrison says to Saco, "Man, that was a great move on your part to get rid of Regional Open. That way Folsom didn't have to get destroyed by De La Salle this year"
Saco replied, "I don't know Mike. I really think Folsom could have beat De La Salle this year."
Garrison stared at the floor for a moment before slowly shaking his head. "You really think so, Pete?'
"Pretty sure," replied Saco.
"Hmm - well, let’s not worry about that now. At least everyone thinks Folsom is the best High School team in nation for the last 20 years or so." Garrison settled back into his seat with a satisfied grin.
About that time, Mrs. Garrison poked her head around the corner. She had a concerned look on her face. "Mikey dear. You left the television on in the living room."
"Yes, Honey Muffin. We were planning to come back in there in a moment to watch those two loser teams play tonight," said Mr. Garrison.
"De La Salle and Centennial - that's the Open division teams playing tonight, right?" asked Mrs. Garrison.
"Yep, ya got it, Muffin!" Garrison paused with pondering downward glance. He looked back up at his wife. "But I don't get it, Sweet Muffin. You don't care much about football - you never have. You don't go to any of the Folsom practices and you refuse to go to the Folsom games with me. So how do you even know who is playing tonight?"
"I'm sorry Mikey, you are right… you're always right. But while cleaning the kitchen, I happened to see a game on the TV. The two teams were playing the game so fast, I wasn't even sure it was football. I'm sorry Mikey, but I had to turn up the volume. The announcers said that they had never seen high school football teams play the game so fast - and - and - well a lot things like that. Then Mikey, I heard one of the announcers say it was De La Salle and Corona Centennial."
Garrison and Saco looked at each other with mild confusion. Saco broke the silence. "Well maybe your Sweet Pea is just mistaken. Let’s go back in there and take a look."
For the next two hours, both men sat watching the game with horror. Garrison stared at the TV with glassy eyes. Saco had been noticeably crying earlier, but now he just held his head in his hands. His nose wouldn't stop running.
Shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts, Saco suddenly sat up straight. His eyes brightened. "Hey man," he said a little too loudly, "we need to call CIF President Thompkins. He'll know just what to do."
"Good idea," replied Garrison as he moved his eyes from the TV screen for the first time in an hour.
CIF President Thompkins answered on the first ring. "Hello!" came the booming voice.
"Hey Reggie, its Pete."
"Oh, hi Pete. Are you watching the De La Salle Corona Centennial game?" Thompkins asked excitedly. "I've never seen anything like these two teams, although I think De La Salle is cheating."
"Yeah, well..." Saco paused a second to clear his throat. "Ahh-hmmm... that's why I calling you. We were absolutely sure Folsom was the best team in the nation by a long shot. But now... " Saco stifled a sob and continued hesitantly. "Reggie, we need your help. Hundred of thousands of people are seeing these teams play and now they know the truth. Folsom is nowhere near as good as these two teams."
"Not so fast," boomed Thompkins. "First of all, never ever EVER admit that, even though it may be true."
"OK - but…," Saco glanced over at Garrison, "But what do we do, Reggie?"
"I was getting to that," boomed Thompkins. "Second, you know that stupid rule you pushed for so hard - that Folsom rule?"
"Yeah?" replied Saco meekly.
"You have to spin it hard the other way. Let's say it was the Pac-5 rule," said Thompkins.
Saco's eyes cleared a bit. He put hand over the phone's voice mic and said to Garrison, "Thompkins thinks my Folsom rule was a really good idea, but because of this De La Salle game he thinks we should temporarily call it the Pac-5 rule. You good with that?"
Garrison nodded agreement. After a brief thought, he said, "Or we could even call it the De La Salle rule."
"I wasn't finished." Thompkins yelled in the phone. "Listen up! Use what ever means it takes to make all of this stuff seem like De La Salle's fault. Tell everyone that De La Salle was scared of Folsom… that they are dodging a game or something like that. And that they are a private school - a religious one no less - make it sound really bad!!! Oh, and throw in a bunch of that recruiting nonsense. That they are abusing Centennial, a poor public school, by scoring two extra points near the end of the game. Dang, I was so sure Centennial could have scored at least three more touchdowns at the end if only De La Salle wasn't so unsportsmanlike by keeping their starting defenders in the game. Hmmm... Anyway, spin it hard."
"OK, got it," said Saco. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, there is something else," boomed Thompkins. "Get someone the job right away - AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW - posting non-stop on NorCalPreps, spinning all this crap. Got it?"
"Got it," smiled Saco as he hung up.
"Hey Mike," Saco said to Garrison, "Do you know anyone that can spin our angle non-stop on NorCalPreps?"
"Actually, I do," said Garrison. "I have perfect person. He is shy a couple bricks of a full load, if you know what I mean, but he'll say and do what we ask of him. His handle is G61."
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Fictitious characters have been replaced with real names. No animals or plants were harmed in the making of this story. Real human egos may have been inadvertently bruised beyond our control.
